My spouse and I have moved a total of four times since we've been together, and these four moves have taken place in the past four years. Number five is coming very soon, and it's probably stressing me out more than any other move, which is saying something:
The first of the four moves was an exciting move that ended in a broken friendship and a hasty move. My junior year of college, I moved in with one of my best friends (I will call her Anne) from grade school, her girlfriend, and my spouse (at the time, my partner). Anne and I were too excited to be moving in because of how much we had in common and how well we got along. Lovers of gossip, Harry Potter, and American Idol, Anne and I had dreamed of this moment for a long time. The day we moved in, I used my 1995 Ford Escort (I was not about to use a moving truck) to move all of my belongings from my parent's house to the new apartment, feeling nervous but finally feeling like a grown-up. This was my first place! My name was on the lease! However, this eager feeling was short lived. My partner and I found out quickly that the other two did not like to clean up their messes. Anne and her partner also decided to get two cats, and their litter box in the bathroom was always overflowing and smelled terribly, especially in the heat of the summer. We had a short discussion with them about their cleaning habits, and hoped it would get better. But it didn't get better. My spouse's favorite story to tell from this experience is the one where he found a fork under the couch, stuck to the carpet (we laugh about this now). I couldn't handle living with people who thought it was okay to leave a dirty fork on the floor. I cannot thrive or sometimes even function in a space that is messy and, more importantly, smelly (damn my sensitive nose). I got tired of cleaning up after them, especially with my busy schedule. That semester I was doing my practicum hours for my education degree, and that, on top of other classes, bowling practice and captain duties, working at the writing center and at Meijer on the weekends, and various other activities I was involved in with the university, I was at my breaking point with stress. So, in mid-November (hoping Anne and her partner could find something for December), my partner and I told them we were moving out. After this conversation, Anne shut me out. If either of them talked to us, it was short in length and civility. In the midst of hostility and homework, my partner and I looked for a place to live. We decided quickly on a place about two miles away that was available in early December. Ever since this time, Anne and I have not spoken. I hate to think about this move just because it effectively ruined our eight year friendship in less than four months. But I believe that we all didn't do enough. They didn't try hard enough to actually change and do cleaning. We didn't have "the cleaning conversation" enough with them. But this experience taught us that roommates just didn't work.
Our second move was another exciting one because this was mine and my spouse's first apartment together. However, this apartment ended in another move, simply because it was that terrible. The roof leaked in four different places, which meant we always had to empty buckets of water nearly every hour. Every room reeked of the medical marijuana that our neighbor below us smoked. Wailing ambulances regularly visited our neighbors below. Our neighbor below us (one of our friends) had bed bugs (thankfully, we never got them). But the most upsetting part was when we tried to tell our apartment owners that we had black mold on our bathroom ceiling, and they dismissed this notion, telling us it was probably mildew. They never looked into it. I wanted to yell, Excuse me, lady, I was constantly wiping down mold with bleach at rental houses and at my own house when I was a kid. I know the difference between mold and mildew! A few months after we moved out, one of my spouse's co-workers told him that our old apartment did indeed have black mold, and that they had to re-do the whole apartment. Sigh.
Don't get me wrong. I have many good memories about this apartment. We had a few parties in this apartment. I was student teaching while we were living here. I graduated from undergrad while living here. One of our good friends grilled food on our balcony--well, on our mini fridge--and ended up burning a hole on the top of that fridge, which was pretty hilarious. But we had to get out of this place. Clearly, the apartment owners did not care about their residents.
On the other hand, our third move was probably the best apartment that we've had. This place was under $500 in rent that paid for our heat, trash, water, and internet (we paid electric). This place used to be a home that was turned into four separate apartments, so only eight people lived in the house, which meant it really wasn't noisy. Our landlord was great. Our kitchen was huge, and the living room had a built-in bookshelf (of course I loved this!). It was also in a safe neighborhood, and I could actually go run in the morning without being bothered. This apartment was incredibly close to where my spouse worked and went to school.
However, this place wasn't perfect for me; however, this apartment was an hour and ten minutes away from where I went to school. This is why we ended up moving a fourth time.
Our fourth move, where we currently are, was different from the others, simply because we moved to a different state. Besides that, it has been a pretty nice place to live--this state has cheap car insurance, the neighbors have been fine, the location was great for my spouse and I (we had an equal commute), and it's still close enough to my family so I can visit them for a day at a time (as opposed to staying for a few days because of the long commute to their house). I really don't have many complaints besides the bathtub and sinks draining slowly.
Finally, our upcoming fifth move. We are in the process of choosing a place that is in the middle(ish) of where my spouse works and where I will receive my Ph.D. Let me tell you...this is the most stressful move for several reasons:
1. No place is perfect:
Let me start by saying this: finding the perfect apartment complex is impossible because, well, there is no perfect apartment complex. Our closest was our third move. But even with the cheap rent and other benefits, living there was not always pleasant for me simply because I was constantly stressed by the commute and by my strenuous master's program.
For our apartment search this time, my spouse and I are going to have to compromise. His work and my work/school are an hour and twenty minutes away from each other. I can't do an hour-something commute again, and I don't expect my spouse to drive that far. We have been looking for months for a place that would be about a 40 minute-ish drive for us both, but we've found this doesn't exist within our price range. We've had some other issues, too:
a. It's difficult to find a place that's inexpensive AND safe AND doesn't have pests:
I have two other friends that are moving in June and July, and they are facing the same problems. Granted, they are both moving to bigger cities than my spouse and I, so they are having an even harder time finding a place that allows them to be able to pay rent AND buy food (both are pretty important), a place where their cars won't get broken into, and a place they won't be confronted or assaulted for simply taking their trash to the dumpster at night. In addition to this, if you find a place that is inexpensive and in a safer place, there is almost always some kind of pest. The word "pest" can apply to a few different things, depending on the person. Pest, of course, includes rats and mice, cockroaches, bedbugs, and other bugs (I found a review of an affordable apartment with large, angry ants, bedbugs, and fleas. Yay). But another "pest" can be your neighbors (listening to your neighbors have extremely loud sex or listening to your neighbor's booming music or their yelling at their computer or TV screen at 3 AM can be annoying after a while). "Pest" also applies to the way your apartment smells (when I was student teaching, the place we lived constantly smelled like weed because of the neighbor below us. I was paranoid that one of my students or my supervising teacher was going to smell it on me. The contact high may have added to my paranoia). In short, the label "pest" can pertain to many things, depending on what bothers you, and every place has some sort of "pest," especially inexpensive apartments.
My advice for those of you who are moving or will have to move is this: don't set your expectations so high that a place will never come close to meeting them. Instead, narrow down your most important things to a "Top 3" list. My spouse and I's top 3 list is price (no more than $750 per month for rent and cat rent together), space (no smaller than 750 square feet), and distance/safety (no more than 55 minutes for either of us and in a safer neighborhood, preferably in its own community or simply not super close to a busy street). Okay. I guess the last reason is technically two separate reasons, but safety and distance are both equally important.
My point is, you might have to let go of the idea of having a dishwasher, washer and dryer, and a nice view if one of your top concerns is price. And if one of your top concerns is safety, then you will probably have to be a bit more flexible with your budget, like we had to be.
2. We will live in this space for the next four years:
Although no place is perfect, we are going (ideally) to have to live here for the next four years. I don't want to move again. I know everyone says they hate moving, but I. hate. moving. I've moved way too much in the past four years for my liking. I want us to find a place, and I want it to stick. I want to be able to actually decorate this place without having to pack it back up a year later. If we have to move, we will, but if we don't have to, it would be the first time in four years that we haven't moved. Think of all of the money and time and stress we could save for something else!
3. I'm worried about the commute for us:
As I mentioned above, I've done the hour-something commute before. It was extremely stressful, and I can't see me doing that again, especially when I'm in a Ph.D program. However, I don't want my spouse to have to drive an hour, either. I know that I genuinely worry about my dad because he drives an hour and fifteen minutes from home to work (and back again) and works overtime. If my spouse did this, I would worry and, yes, feel guilty. Plus, the winters in the Midwest are not the best for commuters. A drive that is over 45 minutes for my spouse, myself, or both of us will be another cause for anxiety.
4. Summer Jobs, Degrees, Vacation, and Kitties:
We have a lot going on this summer. I'm working my fifth summer with Upward Bound (I love working with these students and staff). My family and I are going to the upper peninsula to my grandpa's wedding reception (I'm so excited to finally go back--while my family used to go every summer, I haven't been able to go because of my summer job). My spouse is finishing up his master's degree in August and has been interning and working with some wonderful people at Omega Youth Empowerment. I will also receive my master's degree in August. Also, my spouse and I are getting a fur baby--a kitten--in July (we haven't found a name yet! Suggestions are welcome).
While many fun and rewarding events are happening this summer, it makes it almost impossible to plan the "right" time to move. We have a very small window to move that hopefully apartment places will work with.
5. The money.
The money it takes to move--renting a moving truck, etc.--can be hard to find if you're in between jobs, like my spouse and I are. While I love Upward Bound, the paycheck is not comparable to the paycheck I'm used to receiving during the school year.
Since I have a little more time on my plate, I've been looking up ways to save and make money. So far, I've been filling out online surveys for small dollar amounts, and I've been using apps like Ibotta, which will reimburse you for money you spend at the grocery store. In addition, I've been attempting to sell my gently used high heel shoes online (long story short: high heels are uncomfortable, and I don't like being uncomfortable). Sadly, I have not sold any yet (if you're looking for a good price on heels, let me know).
If you're strapped for money and have a little time, I suggest doing some of these money saver/money maker things that I mentioned above as well as look up more. Plenty of blogs advertise websites and apps that can save or make you money.
6. Moving to a "new" state:
Moving to a new area of a state is hard enough, but moving to a new state requires you to change your license and license plate, insurances, and other important things. It's not really a new state for my spouse and I because we grew up in this state, but since we lived in a different state for a year, we do have to change everything once again. We also have to learn the area and the driving routes that we have to take.
What should you do?
I'm sure there are other subconscious reasons that I'm stressed about this move, like starting over again at a new school, but these are the main reasons. If you are stressed about moving, I suggest taking a breath. Really. Right now, stop and take a breath. I'm waiting.
Okay. Now that you've taken a breath, if you're still stressed about moving, make time in your schedule to do something fun, even if it's something as simple as going to the library, taking a walk, going to the park, or going out for something cheap like ice cream or coffee. These will help you cope with the stress and give you a break from packing. Now, I'm off to follow my own advice.
